


Birthday Bitch!

by puppyluthor



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Crack, F/F, FUCK MANHELL, Fic, The gay apostles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-16 23:43:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10581918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puppyluthor/pseuds/puppyluthor
Summary: If you hate Manuel come read this. Basically this is our so called bible for our group.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> We got a group on IG for this kind of stuff if you wanna join follow me or my friends @lenaluthwhore , @puppyluthor, @gaylittleluthor and @danversluthors and aks to join its fun:)

It was a beautiful day as manhell was walking down National City thinking what he could do to fuck up Karas day. Then suddenly Superman comes and picks up Mario by the hair. 

“Oh no my incredibly crusty ass hair.” Malibu speaks,“ but thanks for the ride!”

“....” Superman then throws him up,chases him, and grabs him by the leg.

“where are we going?”Massachusetts squeaks out.

Superman is doing a number on his leg. It was probably the size of a ticonderoga pencil you know those kindergarten ones, that was the size of his dick too.. he measured. As superman was flying in his super speed giving marlow a head rush that made his ears start bleeding. He suddenly is flung into what looks like a group of people on a field and bleachers filled up with DEO agents and other people booing at someone or him..who knows.

“Mon-el - Prince, Fuck boi, Slave owner, and prick - of Daxam. Get the fuck up we don't have time for any bullshit!” Winn shouted.

“W-whats going on… I dont understand this! Wheres Kara!?” Malaria shouted as his bitch ass got up.

“I'm right here.” She says carrying what looks to be Lena the lesbian Luthor downing a bottle of wine or so she says it's actually grape juice .

“ Kara! What’s going on? What are you guys doing? Is it a earthly custom to do this? Is it someone's birthday…is this how someone celebrates someone's birthday? I never understood that.” 

“Fuck! Someone just shut him up he’s giving me a headache. And i want to finish my bottle in peace.” Lena exclaims jumping off of Kara’s arms missing the warmth. “And to answer your question yes today is my birthday and this is how I want to celebrate my birthday,BITCH!” 

“Well said sister, couldn't have said it any better.” the smol detective says as she emerges from behind Alex and stands next to Winn and Alex.

“Since when was she here? I didn't see her…” Alex whispers to the Guardian and he shrugs, while Kara just laughs at their conversation.

“Anyways who the fuck are we waiting for? i'm so ready to fuck up his pretty frat boy face. He didn't respect kara and thats why im here, but i aint going to fuck up my hands they come in handy later on. Right kara?” lena said as she winked.

“Ha ha um ha yeah… they do work pretty great ha. Um..we are waiting for lucy, Cat, and my parents . Lillian,J’onn, and our special guest are already seated.Lucy wanted to be part of this and Cat just wanted to see who this was she said ‘what even is a dicksimite. he probably is a dick too!’ I mean she's right he is! Alright i'm going to sit now.”

“Wait Lillian. As in Lillian Luthor the one who tried killing you and your girlfriend too many times?! What is she doing here?” James asked now turning to lena.

“Oh i invited mother. I asked her strictly to just leave today off for fighting and killing Kara and I. And to come watch her lesbian daughter fuck up a alien.” she took a drink from her bottle. “Don't you see her she's the one with the banner!”

They all turn to look at Lillian and kara holding up a banner that says ‘I LOVE LESBIAN LUTHOR !!! GO LESBIAN!!’ with a picture of when Lena says bitch. 

“OH HEY KARA I LIKE YOUR POSTER!! Hey guys! Are we late?” Lucy said as she and Cat snuck up behind everyone.

“Actually we are fashionably late so it doesn't count. So where is this.. This .. What is he? A dicksimite?” Cat asks looking bored as ever. 

“ i'm actually a Daxamite. But who are you guys i never met you and i also have a bunch of questions for Le-” Guardian hits him hard in the face with his shield. And his face starts to bleed and knocks out.

“Oh thank you James he was rambling on and on but either way potatoe potato. I'll be sitting over there with those nice girls. Have fun.” Cat walks over to sit in between what looks like to be two 16 year olds. One holding food from something buffett and other holding a cactus and a 14 year old popping fireworks. 

“Alright Superfriends! Let's get ready!”

“Ok hold it right there Winn who came up with that name it's a god awful name for us! Even me as a luthor who is with a super i wouldn't use SUPER in every word.”

“HEY LENA I HEARD THAT AND I CAME UP WITH IT!” Kara shouts.

“Well it's a awful name.” then she smiles whispers “ hopefully you'll come up with a better name for our kid....”

“Ok we get it lena you don't like Kara naming things but let this one pass it's been that since ever .” 

“Ok yeah i get it Winn dont worry. How shall we start? Are we starting on whoever met kara in order or?”

“Oh yeah we should do that! But i met kara after lena and i kind of want to let Lena have the finally. I could always go with alex because you know lesbian force!”

“Alright then Maggie said it ,it's settled i'm last and Alex, Maggie you guys are first!”

All of a sudden muppet stirs from his sleep and tries to get up. Alex and Maggie turn to each other and kiss. Suddenly Monica is flying through the air. HE FINALLY DID IT HE COULD FLY….or not because that kiss forced his frat boy ass to be thrown in the air and then come crashing down. Which hurt his face more since he had been bleeding. The took a couple more shots at him and finally stopped when the broke his arm.

Winn didn't do violence but he never wanted his friends in any situation like what Kara was in. So when they told him the plan he started working on a taser so powerful it hurts a Kryptonian/ Daxamite. He knew it worked since he used it a few times on Kara asking for permission to do so. He stepped up with the taser in hand.

“You deserve this and so much more pain coming your way!” Technically he did stab Molly with taser he made it out of lead. But it wasn't enough to kill and poison him but you could already see the lead spreading a bit while he was getting shocked. The shock was so powerful that his hairs burnt off becoming bald and his dick shriveled up and fell off. Also he someone broke his own arm like wtf?!

James and Lucy were up next. Since James was still in his Guardian suit it wasn't long till Mitochondria was knocked out again to Lucy too her time to perfect some knots she had to tie up Monoxide. Once she was done he looked ready to be in a BDSM film. He then was lifted up onto a crane where James and Lucy kept punching him.

While that happened everyone else got juice boxes from J’onn who was also handing out pb and j’s. Except Alex and Maggie,Eliza and Jeremiah had snuck in like 3 bottles of tequila and immediately gave then to ‘Agent Daddy Danvers’ who happily took them and started drinking.

Once both were finished Lena prepared her ‘speech’ while Kara went to retrieve what looked like to be a rocket big enough for one person.

“Alright. Thank you guys for being here it means so much since i have been waiting for this moment. This here is Mongoose-”

“ITS MON-EL PRINCE OF DAXAM, LUTHOR!”

“YEAH I GET IT MONORAILS! DONT INTERRUPT THIS LESBIAN! Anyways the reason we are all gathered here is because Monobasic here has been disrespecting me and my girlfriend. Kara told him many times she don't want him but muppet here did not listen and tried to go after her and i can't have that. I can't have that because i am expecting a child with Kara,” everyone gasps. 

“well technically a child and a dog we’re building a family already and i don't want him trying to ruin that for us. So that's why that's this. It's a rocket big enough for one person. But here's the catch the rocket has a self automatic self defense system in which hurts anyone in there. It is also programmed to go farther than Krypton or Daxam.”

“YOU MADE A MISTAKE I COULD EASILY ESCAPE THAT ROCKET ONCE I'M REGENERATED!”

“You think me a smart , charming , beautiful lady would forget you're ‘allergic’ to lead? Look Monogram I'm a Luthor i have files on every single species of alien that my brother encountered and yes he knew about Daxam. That's why i build this rocket out of pure lead and the self defense system contains lead also. So if you would like and say any more before lift off go ahead baldy i won't listen bitch.”

And with that said Kara took Monocarp and shoved him into the rocket and let Lena do the honor. 

“OK STAND BACK AND WATCH THIS MOFO FLY OFF!” Lena shouted

“T- minus 10 seconds”

“T- minus 9 seconds”

“T- minus 8 seconds”

….

“T- minus 3 seconds”

“2!”

“1!”

“LIFT OFF BITCH!”

And there he went ,Monotones prince of Crapsam went flying off while getting punched,stabbed, and kicked where his now non existent dick was. Everyone soon rejoiced and celebrated with food from a buffett, drinks,fireworks and a cactus.

THE FUCKING END


	2. We are live....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we kinda strayed away from mitosis here he gets half of the chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here is the second chapter to the "bible" hope you enjoy it was fun to write.

Light years away, Mountain’s rocket ship crash landed on a very far away planet called Luthinda. A planet where only OG aliens could live. All of a sudden three big, buff aliens come out of their houses and inspect the lead and bloody mess that is Mac. They each separately inspected the ship trying to find a note or something to see who this mofo was, because who tf crash landed on THEIR PLANET and tried to stay here. Pretty soon one of the aliens finds a note that says:

“Dear whoever finds this ship and note,  
The Alien you have found is wanted for his crimes. He has committed alien and human crimes across this Universe… LMAO im just fucking with you! Anyways this here is Mono-ravioli… (I think that’s his name) He is a big frat boy who believed he could get anything he wanted. So my friends and I decided to teach him a lesson, to never mess with anyone related to the youngest Luthor, Supergirl or her family, because we won't be nice to you if you do. So all I ask is to please punish him for all he's done to us. We won't state his crimes, but he was a slave owner and was in a relationship where he mentally abused my girlfriend and killed like 876 people (ok he didn't but if he did, I would have said so). He was a prince from daxam HE IS A FUCKING PRICK. Also, if anyone ever finds this note and needs to contact any of us who sent him, hopefully you guys have emails, mine is TheLesbianLuthor@lcorp.com if not then there are coordinates to type in that will send a message to an organization to the DEO who will either contact me or Supergirl. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!!! :D  
-L.L.  
And Kara Danvers :D”

After the three big buff aliens read the note the lesbian sent, all three head back to their command center dragging mitochondria’s ass through cacti (lmao get it he's a prick!). As soon as the big buff aliens fucking walk in the fucking room, the commander notices that they have brought a prisoner. When the aliens bring in prisoners they have a special routine. The aliens either interrogate each and every prisoner with really sharp knives or they electrocute them for the crimes they have committed (these are really hardcore aliens.) 

But get this the commander was a known friend of the superfriends and knew who this mitosis bitch-ass was as soon as she saw the bald headed ass motherfucker. She knew because Lena made a whole YouTube live video, about how to beat a alien hoe’s ass who doesn't respect people and how the superfriends could help. IT WENT FUCKING VIRAL THROUGHOUT THE MOTHERFUCKING UNIVERSE! PEOPLE AND ALIENS FUCKING LOVED IT! Once the aliens drop maraca down, M’Gann the leader of the motherfucking OG aliens, takes him by his ears and drops him in a tank full of sharks. She then proceeds to contact the superfriends, telling them everything is under control and that she knows exactly what to do.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t die. Now he’s missing one of his legs, part of his torso, and some of his brain is showing. Who knew sharks don't like the taste of rotten alien meat, or maybe they just hate mitochondria? Monopoly looked like an uglier version of a damaged ken doll. They then decide to tie him up and drag him on the red soil to dry him off, they purposely hit every possible rock, cactus, thorn bush and tree. They are trying to knock out all of his teeth. After they were done he looked like a red churro (NO OFFENSE TO CHURROS THEY ARE FUCKING DELICIOUS) with no teeth. 

So now imagine this, Mitochondria, tied up BDSM style. His leg missing, his brain exposed, toothless, bruises and thorns head to toe, churro looking ass, bald, no eyebrows, dickless, with blood and guts spewing out. It would beautiful sight for Lena. She would be so proud of what she started. Lena sends out another rocket this time with agent Vasquez, who apparently was out for vacay when the whole beat down happened. Vasquez, brought a duffel bag full of alien weapons and began torching microevolution once she jumped off the rocket. 

And since everyone loved this little beat down. The lesbian Luthor decided to make a kick-starter page(even though she donated most to the money herself) to support these videos wanting to make a whole series of it for each and every alien that was a jerk to anyone and everyone. Once the public found out about this, they decided ‘fuck it let's do this shit’ and proceeded to claim most of the phantom zone aliens who were still out and about ruining shit. 

This whole thing blew up and everyone wanted to contribute, soon enough the superfriends had a video on what was exactly was going to happen:

“Hey guys! Why don't we introduce ourselves and state what we do for this? Ok I’m the Lesbian Luthor who started this and here are the others who contributed.”

“I'm Winn, Tech guy”

“ I’m James.” “Lucy!” “ We kind of manage here”

“We are Alex and Maggie. We are the security.” 

“J’onn, snack provider”

“Eliza”“Jeremiah, we provide drinks.” 

“Lillian, I provide the merch.” 

“Cat Grant, I just watch.”

“HI! IM KARA DANVERS. LENA LUTHOR’S...um yeah..”

“For everyone wondering she's my fiance.”

“Wow little Danvers got some!”

“MAGGIE PLEASE DON’T TALK ABOUT MY SISTER LIKE THAT.”  
“ALEX PLEASE WE HAVEN'T DONE THAT!”

Lena just sends a smirk to Alex and Maggie confirming that they did do it(on various places in Kara's apartment.) Lena’s mind goes to few weeks ago when her and Kara were done celebrating at the field and left home. When they got home, Lena pushed Kara up against the door, kissing her forcefully.  
Using her sexy voice she said, “You’ve been a naughty girl Miss Danvers”  
That may or may not have made Kara even more wet than she was at the field watching her girl kick ass.  
“And I think you need to be punished!” Lena slaps Kara’s ass.  
Kara then tries to use some of her strength to try to move them to the bed.Being the dominatrix Lena is, she pushes Kara on top of the counter, “You’re mine now”  
She raises her eyebrow and begins to tug at Kara’s sweater. “Now lets see those hot abs of yours….” Lena grabs a wooden cooking spoon and spanks Kara with it.  
“So Miss Danvers how many licks does it take to get to the center of you?”  
“Wouldn't you like to find out Miss Luthor?”  
Lena grabs Kara’s special hot sauce and begins to pour it on Kara’s abs.  
“Damn you’re hot”  
Lena begins to lick the hot sauce off her abs  
“Was that my special hot sauce” Kara asks.  
“Yes, and its deli- Oh god it burns!”Lena sticks her tongue out “Kara whath in thith? Ith burning my thongue!!!”  
Lena liked fucking Kara but now wasn't the time. She was hurting. Kara began to laugh, her sides hurting already.  
Lena began to cry “My whole mouth ith burning Kara!!Thith ithn’t funny!Get your damn clothes on!”  
Kara then fell off the counter making a dent on the floor.  
“Leth go!  
“OH MY RAO… I CA-..” Kara continues laughing. “ OH.. OK OW… MY- MY SIDE HURTS!’  
“Well I am going to the emerthenthy room before this gets any wors-” Lena looses all feeling in her mouth. “OK WAIT NO LEE LET ME TAKE YOU TO THE DEO!”  
Lena tries to talk, but all that comes out is spit and jumbled up words.  
“Ok let me change and i'll take you.. One sec… ok done lets go!”  
Lena does not like talking about what happened at the DEO with everyone there. She remembers she not alone and blushes hard. 

“WAIT THAT INCIDENT A FEW WEEKS AGO! WAS THA-”

“ALEX!STOP! NO! DON'T BRING IT UP! LENA DOESN'T LIKE TALKING ABOUT IT!”

“OMG IT WAS!”

“Um guys.. You know we are still live on air right?”

“WINN WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US! I'M HAVING A EMBARRASSING MOMENT HERE! But hey at least the world knows Kara is mine and only mine forever.”she said while giving them big ‘ol heart eyes towards Kara and Kara giving the signature Loving Kara Danvers smile. 

“Ok ok we get it you guys… wait… ha.. Hey Kara? How would you feel if people started fangirling over you and Lena?”

“Winn what are you talking about? What do you mean ‘fangirling’? Between me and Lena?” 

“Look darling it's fine it just means they are behaving in an obsessive or overexcited way because we are together.”

“Hey Luthor, how do you know about this? I'm a detective and i never heard of it?”

“Well long story short, i saw some of my followers on social media commenting um well..”

“Lee what did they say? Was it mean? Ill write an article about everything you've done for me..us and how you are a adorable puppy inside and out!”

“Kara darling no need for that! It wasn't mean it just well they commented stuff like well let me show you”she pull out her phone and her case is a Supergirl case.

“Wooow nice case Luthor.” Maggie sent a smirk towards Lena.

“Thanks Kara got it for me!”she sends a smirk back to Maggie.

“Ok here they are. I had to screenshot they were funny..  
@danversluthors:‘LENA IS DADDY MATERIAL AF BUT I'LL CHOOSE DADDY DANVERS ANYDAY.’  
@lenaluthwhore:‘LENA LUTHOR CAN PUNCH ME AND I WOULD BE HAPPY. FUCK ME UP BITCH.’  
@gaylittleluthor:‘FUCK ME UP WITH THAT JAWLINE AND THOSE EYES MY PU$$Y POPS SEVERELY!’  
@puppyluthor:‘IF LENA ASKED ME TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE, I WOULD! BITCH JUST SNATCHED MY HAIR’  
@kvraluthor:‘LENA LUTHOR IS A BOTTOM!’  
@puppyluthor,@danverslthors,@lenaluthwhore,@gaylittleluthor:’^^^^^BITCH #LENAISADONINATRIX #KARAISABOTTOM’  
They knew before us and shipped us too”

Kara leans in to whisper to Lena.”Ok but Lena how did they know i'm a bottom?!?!”  
The funny thing is that she did not whisper it and now everyone in the world knows that she is a bottom. But they still wonder what happened with Lena and the incident but that's a story the world finds out later!

FIN 

(or is it………..)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to cactus for helping me "spell check" (write) this chapter.  
> :p  
> There might be more.... who knows..

**Author's Note:**

> Also thanks to lenaluthwhore, gaylittleluthor, and danversluthors for this "opportunity". THEY ARE FUCKING FUNNY.


End file.
